Ask Emily: The third wheel
By Casey Gillis on Mar. 16, 2010
Dear Emily: I made two friends from my aerobics class a couple of months ago, and we all get together every other week or so for dinner or drinks. But I just came to realize that these women also get together without me on the weekends to go shopping, to go to movies, and other places. I don’t know if I am just being childish, Emily, but this upsets me. Why don’t they invite me? Would it be silly to ask?—Left out and lonely
Dear Left out and Lonely: You are not being childish; no one—at any age-likes to be excluded. As for why they don’t invite you, I can’t say. Maybe they don’t think you like to shop or do the things they do.
Or maybe they don’t think you are free on the weekends. So rather than sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, let your friends know you are willing and able to hang out. Just ask them to give you a call the next time they do something on the weekends. If they still don’t invite you, go ahead and ask them, point blank, why not.
Dear Emily: My husband doesn’t want our three-year-old daughter to watch any TV at all. Yet I am the one who stays home with her all day, and sometimes a thirty minute show is the only way I can get a break! How do I convince my husband that this isn’t all that bad for our child’s development?—TV standoff
Dear TV standoff: Introduce your hubby to educational TV. There are plenty of shows out there designed to help educate children. PBS, for example, offers a ton of shows to teach toddlers about words, numbers, and life lessons. Also tell your husband that several studies show television (in small amounts) isn’t a bad thing. He can do the research himself on the Internet. Finally, if he still refuses to give in, have him watch your daughter all day, for several days, and see how fast he changes his mind!
Dear Emily: My girlfriend, “Amy,“ has this best friend, “Cheryl,“ who doesn’t like me at all. Cheryl says all kinds of things to Amy about me, like I’m condescending, rude, and not good enough for her friend. My problem is not with Cheryl, though; it’s with my girlfriend. She thinks this is all funny. She’ll tell me all the things Cheryl says about me behind my back, then just laughs about it—as if I would find it funny too. I’ve tried explaining to her that I don’t find these constant attacks as amusing as she does, but she keeps relaying to me her conversations with Cheryl, ignoring how they make me feel. Please help me get her to stop!—Enough is enough
Dear Enough is enough: I hate to say it, but your girlfriend doesn’t sound like a very nice person. If she enjoys making you angry, you really need to think about if this is the girl for you. If you decide she is, try getting Amy to see things from your perspective. Ask her how she would feel if your friends constantly belittled her? If that doesn’t work, ignore Amy. She is obviously sharing these “funny” conversations with you because she enjoys the reaction she gets. So don’t give her any. Change the subject and don’t allow her to get under your skin.
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