Ask Emily: Text offers mixed signals
By Susan Pugh on Aug. 20, 2008
Dear Emily: I received a text on my cell phone the other day from a guy I met at a party. All it said was, “Let’s get together for lunch.” It sounds very casual, and I’m wondering if he was asking me out on a date? If so, shouldn’t he have called and asked? Texting seems like the wrong choice for this kind of thing, doesn’t it?
- Miffed over message
Dear Miffed over message: I have to admit, asking someone out with a text message does seem like the coward’s approach to dating. It’s not easy to ask someone out on a date, knowing that you could be rejected. So texting does eliminate some of the embarrassment if you aid no to his request in person or over the phone. But it shows a lack of confidence. It could also be interpreted as a lack of interest. If the guy isn’t willing to put the time into making a simple phone call, how badly could he want this date? Perhaps texting date requests is an acceptable practice for teenagers, but for adults, it seems a little weak.
Dear Emily: I signed up to play on a volleyball team with some of my co-workers as a way to make some new friends and get a little exercise. Everyone seems nice enough, except for this one guy, “George.” He takes the games way too seriously and gets angry when people make mistakes. I know I am new to the team, but I am pretty sure that everyone else agrees with me that this is supposed to fun, and George is making the situation painful. How do I keep this one guy from ruining a good thing?
- Easy-going athlete
Dear Easy-going athlete: With the Olympics taking place, I guess everyone wants to be the next Misty May or Phil Dalhausser. But unfortunately, we can’t all be star athletes. We can, however, try our best. Playing a sport means being competitive. There is no point in joining a team if the team has absolutely no desire to win (or at least play to win). The point I’m trying to make is that I understand how George feels in some respect. Why join the team if you don’t take it seriously? So if you want the team atmosphere to be a little less tense, show George that you are at least trying. You can even pull him aside and explain to him that you’re trying your best, and that is all you can do. Perhaps if you get him to realize that everyone is putting forth the effort to play well, he’ll lighten up a little. Then everyone can have fun at the same time.
Dear Emily: My 14-year-old daughter has been talking about this vampire novel that all of her friends have been reading. I bought her a copy, thinking it would be age-appropriate since it was advertised as a book for teens. On another parent’s recommendation, I read the book myself. I was appalled that parents were letting their children read this book, as it puts way too much importance on dating relationships between teenage boys and girls. Emily, I will not let my daughter read the other books in this series, and I’m wondering if I should tell her friends’ mothers as well. I don’t want to embarrass them or accuse them of being bad parents or anything like that, but shouldn’t they know the truth?
- Proactive Parent
Dear Proactive Parent: There is a difference between offering another parent your opinion and telling other parent how to raise their children. There is nothing wrong with simply sharing your thoughts on the book with the other moms. Perhaps they haven’t read the book and were under the same misconception that you were. But there is a chance these moms do know what the book is about and are still OK with their children reading it. As such, you need to be sensitive in the way you approach this conversation. Ask the moms if they’ve read the book or heard anything about the subject matter. If they have, then obviously they’ve made their choice, and you should respect that. If not, then go ahead and tell them how you feel. As long as you are diplomatic in expressing your opinion, I’m sure they’ll appreciate your concern rather than be offend by it.
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