Ask Emily: Date undeserving
By Susan Pugh on Aug. 13, 2008
Dear Emily: I’m 22-years old, and have been dating for a while, but I had something new happen to me that I just can’t figure out. When I asked this girl out on a date, she said, “Maybe,” and walked away. She is a friend of a friend, so I know she can get my number if she is interested in me, but why bother to make me wait for an answer? If she wasn’t sure if her calendar was free, she could have just said so, but I think she is playing games. Should I call her and ask for a more definitive answer, or wait for her to get back to me?
- Delayed over date
Dear Delayed over date: This woman’s cryptic, if not cold, response doesn’t deserve a follow up by you. If this girl is playing games, let her play by herself. It’s not easy asking someone out on a date, and it says a lot about a person’s character when she responds so flippantly. If, strangely, she was not playing games and did need to check her calendar, then she should get back to you. So there is no reason to put yourself out there a second time by following up with her, unless you are just a glutton for punishment. Wait it out. And even if she does give you a call and accepts your invitation, think carefully about the type of person she is and whether you still want to give her a chance.
Dear Emily: I found out last week that I am pregnant, but the problem is I broke up with my boyfriend (the baby’s father), a few weeks before I found out. We got along great a first, but I discovered after awhile that he is a lazy, a manipulator and a no-good person. I know for sure that he wouldn’t be a good father. So is it better that I just don’t tell him the news?
- Distrustful of daddy
Dear Distrustful of daddy: The lesson here, of course, is that you shouldn’t become sexually active with someone you don’t know very well. Now, like it or not, you will have to continue to have a relationship with this deadbeat. I’m not saying you have to date him, obviously, but you do have to tell him you’re pregnant and give him the chance to be a dad to this child. You may think he’ll be a bad father, but he has the right to try. If he chooses not to take part in the child’s life, well, at least you attempted to do the right thing. But if he chooses to be dad, perhaps he’ll surprise you and do a good job. Either way, he was part of the equation that brought the child into this world, and you need to inform him of that.
Dear Emily: A co-worker of mine, an older male, keeps putting his hands on my shoulders when he comes up behind me in my cubicle to talk to me. It makes me really uncomfortable, and I thought I should tell human resources about it, but on the other hand, I don’t want to overreact and get him in trouble unnecessarily. Should I report him, or just ignore him?
- Invasion of space
Dear invasion of space: Ignoring the problem should not be an option. Whether this man’s behavior is intentionally or inadvertently making you uncomfortable, you certainly do not have to put up with it. You can try two things to stop it. First, you can confront this co-worker, and simply tell him you don’t like to be touched. You could choose this option, if you are fairly certain that this man’s behavior is completely innocent and you want to avoid making this into a big deal. But, if you aren’t sure he is just a nice guy not aware of what he is doing (or if you don’t feel comfortable confronting him), tell human resources. Let them determine if he should get in trouble or not - that is their job. If the guy is just an overly friendly person, perhaps he’ll get some kind of warning and have to retake a sexual harassment class. But if his behavior is not innocent and there are other complaints against him, people need to know.
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