2009: The worst in TV
By Casey Gillis on Dec. 29, 2009
ABC had one of the strangest years in recent memory.
At the beginning of the 2009-2010 season, the network launched some of the year’s best new comedies and dramas: “Modern Family,” “Cougar Town,” “The Middle,” “V” and “Flash Forward.”
But they also aired some of the worst, three of which you’ll find listed below as part my Worst TV of 2009 round-up.
First, though, we have to talk about the phenomenon that is MTV’s “Jersey Shore,” which falls in a category all its own.
My first instinct was to include it here as one of the worst shows. But I thought that would be disingenuous, considering that I tune in every week and talk about it endlessly with friends. I fully recognize how awful it is, yet I can’t stop watching.
The show, which follows eight self-proclaimed guidos and guidettes — their words, not mine — as they live on the shore for a summer, is a train wreck.
The housemates have ridiculous nicknames like Jwoww, with two W’s; Snooki, though nobody can get her name right and instead call her variations like Schnookums and Snickers; and The Situation, who started calling himself that as a tribute to his perfectly sculpted abs.
There’s no redeeming value or social message, like on the early seasons of “The Real World.” In fact, take all the worst moments you can think of from later, debaucherous seasons of that show — the trashy hook-ups from Las Vegas and Cancun come to mind immediately — and there’s still no comparison to “Jersey.”
We can all agree that reality TV has continually hit new lows. What started out as an intriguing genre has devolved into fame mongers shamelessly trying to one-up one another to get their 15 minutes in the spotlight.
The “Jersey” kids are no different, but they’ve sucked me in anyway. The show is, as one of my coworkers succinctly put it, the best of the worst television has to offer.
Now, here are the flat-out worst shows of 2009:
Hank (ABC)
Kelsey Grammer returned to television this year with much less successful results than his “Back To You” costar Patricia Heaton. She landed on ABC’s hilarious “The Middle,” while Grammer wound up on “Hank,” as a rich entrepreneur who had to move his family from New York City to a small Virginia town after being forced out of his high-powered CEO job.
The show was just lame. Lame jokes, set to a lame laugh track with mostly lame deliveries from the actors.
Grammer brought nothing new to the table, either. At times, it felt like he was channeling Frasier all over again. The show was pulled not long after it premiered, so I guess it’s back to the drawing board for him.
The Forgotten (ABC)
Oh, Christian Slater. How I’ve loved you over the years in films like “Heathers,” “Pump Up the Volume,” “Untamed Heart” and “Robin Hood.” The list goes on and on.
But here, starring as the leader of a group of civilian detectives, you were just trying too hard. You wanted to be like, say, Gil Grissom on “CSI:” tough, driven, intuitive.
I just wasn’t buying it, and the jokers around you didn’t help. In the pilot, you all stumbled upon every clue, suspect or piece of evidence, like when a key witness just happened to be sitting in a car outside the house you were visiting.
When I checked back in with the series a month later — an episode that had inept sidekick Walter sliding his open cell phone across the floor of a restaurant so you two could eavesdrop on a group of suspects — not much had changed. Crack detectives you guys are not.
Eastwick (ABC)
No amount of magic could save this “Witches of Eastwick” update, which starred actresses Rebecca Romijn, Lindsay Price and Jaime Ray Newman — taking over for film stars Cher, Susan Sarandon and Michelle Pfeiffer — as three women who simultaneously discovered hidden magical powers.
More To Love (Fox)
This was “Bachelor” creator Mike Fleiss’ version of the show for heavy people, which was well meaning in concept, maybe, but not in execution.
It all felt exploitative, like how, every time one of the girls was shown on camera talking, her weight would flash onscreen along with the customary name, age and occupation. Unnecessary.
The series also had me worrying about the women, some of whom had never been on a single date before. If you’ve never really dated and are then presented with a supposedly charming guy in these heightened circumstances, of course you are going to fall hard and fast.
I never watched beyond the pilot — couldn’t get the bad taste out of my mouth — so I can only hope participating in the show didn’t scar them for life.
Launch My Line (Bravo)
Bravo is still trying to find the perfect replacement for “Project Runway,” which is now airing over on Lifetime.
But “Line,” which pairs up wannabes with experienced designers who basically do all the work for them, surely isn’t it.
Some of these designers can’t even sew. The concept takes away all the fun of these kinds of reality competition series. We like seeing the contestants work their butts off to be creative and meet deadlines, not watching as they sit around while someone else does all the work.
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